INFORMATION
Helpful information and links for families
TIPS FOR PARENTS
fall considerations
Just being the parent of a teenager can be challenging, and adding discussions of household finances and moving to the mix adds complexity to even the best of circumstances. Your child is getting ready to “fly the coop” and, even if the child is ready, sometimes parents are not. It is best to give your child the chance to be independent and the driving force in the college admissions process, while maintaining a role as mentor and role model. In other words, your child should be the star and you the supporting cast. This next step in your child’s development is a rite of passage that, like all major steps, can be challenging but offers the opportunity for personal growth.
Here are some tips:
Be open to a new path for your child - one that your child embraces.
Encourage independence--with guidance.
Encourage authenticity and honesty - this what colleges want to see and the only ethical route to a great application.
Be honest with your child about finances. It is heartbreaking to see a student admitted to a college that a family cannot afford. Look at the net price calculator on a college’s website and fill out financial forms as needed.
Be honest about any geographic restrictions. Are you willing to let your child be far away from home? If not, discuss why that might not be the best option. A discussion might lead to a change of mind.
Be the face of resilience. Often a child will follow your lead. Life is not perfect, and
neither is the college admissions process. There may be disappointment along the way.
Think carefully about your expectations for your child. Are they realistic?
Plan college visits. Try to visit colleges when they are in session, if possible. Be attentive during the visits but not overbearing. Consider having your child take a tour with one tour guide and you with a different tour guide. Regroup at the college cafeteria or a local restaurant to compare notes.
Remember, school cultures change. The “party” schools of a generation ago may be the highly selective schools of today.
Attend meetings with your child’s school counselor when offered.
When your child starts writing essays, let your child do the writing. Be a sounding board if your child wants to talk about his or her strengths and weaknesses.
Consider limiting your college-specific conversation to one hour per week—these are stressful conversations for many teens, and this final year of high school could either be consumed by the application process or time you enjoy with your nascent adult. Making an appointment to have this conversation, and spending the rest of your time together on fun and family (and chores) is one way to strengthen your relationship.
Strategize with your child around holiday gatherings—if everyone is asking “where are you going to college,” it can feel very overwhelming, particularly prior to admissions decisions (family gatherings around Fall and Winter holidays, in particular, can be fraught.) Perhaps a heads up to family that the topic is off limits? Perhaps a group email with “here’s where I am in the process,” and a request to move on?
If your child applies to ten colleges and is admitted to nine, divert the focus from the one denial. Celebrate your child’s successes!
Here are some additional resources:
https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/slideshows/10-things-parents-of-college-bound-students-need-to-do
https://www.fastweb.com/college-search/articles/the-3-donts-for-parents-during-the-college-application-process
https://www.kaptest.com/study/pre-college/how-involved-should-i-be-in-my-childs-college-admission-process/